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  • Jon Ellis


Updated: Sep 24, 2019

While helping someone truly in need is indeed merciful and charitable, co-depending someone we love, who is entrenched in the victim consciousness, is a disservice, one which will not only delay their spiritual growth, but ours. When we have so much emotional love and attachment for a person, whether it is for our child, mate or close friend, it is easy to lose objectivity and fall into the trap of enabling. If we look beneath the veneer of that type of love, often we will find that our worry, fear and control issues are the real motivators as to why we co-depend. Though maybe not our intention, co-depended Souls come to believe that they are powerless ineffectual victims too weak to cope with life’s challenges.

Enablers often ask, “What should I do, just stand aside and let someone I love become overwhelmed by life, end up on the street, in a mental institution, in jail or worse, commit suicide?” The hard truth is that another’s choices and consequences are not ours to interfere with. Soul will often only come to understand right discrimination by hitting walls and, at times, temporarily sinking to the bottom. Whether we are supporting a 40-year-old child who lives in our basement or repeatedly giving money to our nephew who we know has a serious drug problem and refuses to admit it or get help, the result is the same. We are delaying and blocking the inevitable consequences of their poor choices, the mechanism and compass, which imperishable Souls, like us, use to navigate and master life.

Over many, many lifetimes, the lessons that Soul needs to gain wisdom, power and freedom will be learned. If we go within, ask for guidance and listen, we will know if we are really helping another or just enabling them. One can still love another deeply while at the same time giving them the freedom that they deserve, even if that freedom, by their choice, leads to self-destruction. Love unconditionally without judgement, offer advice when asked, give assistance when inwardly guided to do so and most importantly let them be free!

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